I can't belive this.

First of all he told me he has a new girlfriend.

Of course I am glad that he had at least found someone who fits

but damn I am not the right person to talk about

this kind of relationship stuff they are going through.

I can't handle it at the moment.

There is too much going on.

Moreover I feel embarrassed.

How can he speak about this if he knew that I have some difficult issues

with the whole topic.

It's still a red flag for me.

And honestly I don't want to know how the have sex and what they are exactly doing.

I want to be swallowed by the ground - immediately.

But he didin't stop talking and as a good old friend - I have to listen - whether I like it or not.

I feel ashamed..I can't barely speak it out loud..

that's also the reason why this text is in english..

I can't take it to read this in german.

Oh my god. My head is full of picture..

I want to cut my selfe into pieces.

Want to feel the pain. Want to know what's real.

I want to wake up and realize that was only a nightmare..